Lost and Found
by Spacefille
Summary: Raphael's been kicked out, leaving Leonardo behind to struggle between his feelings for his brother and his sense of honor and duty towards his family. Leo goes out to bring his brother back home again... Sequel to Welcome Home I hate you and Blame.
1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Lost and Found  
**Notes** : This is the sequel to my other two Raph/Leo fics, _Welcome Home (I Hate You)_ and _Blame_. I was thinking of the song Amazing Grace when I came up with the title. "I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see"…  
**Special thanks to** : Everyone who begged me to write more Raph/Leo fic. Oo;

-

It hurt to think about. The mental images of his brothers together, THAT WAY, disturbed and distressed him. He saw those images whenever he looked at Leo… saw the dullness in his eyes and the expressionless face and remembered that when Raphael was around Leo never looked like that. He looked angry and occasionally homicidal, but never dull and lifeless.

The fact that Leo looked deadened disturbed him almost as much as the mental images. As a week bled into two, he gave up trying not to think about it, and started thinking about it more. He thought about it when he watched Leo run through endless kata with the same flawless precision as he usually did. He thought about it when he saw the concerned way Master Splinter had started to watch his best student, his dutiful, honorable, obedient student like he was flawed, like there was something wrong with him. He thought about it when he noticed that Leo had become cold, withdrawn and quiet, more likely to speak in monosyllables, never smiling at Mikey's jokes or Don's gentle attempts at conversation.

Leo had definitely changed. Don was frightened when he watched as, after a week or so, Leo began to make a habit of going to the back entrance of the lair to stand there like a statue… like he wanted to leave but couldn't decide and that indecision had frozen him in time.

He knew at the rate they were going one day Leo was going to unfreeze and walk out that door… maybe forever.

It was killing Mike too. His little happy go lucky brother had taken up checking all over the lair first thing in the morning to see if Raph had come home during the night while he was asleep. When he discovered that Raph hadn't come home, Mike would act differently. His shoulders would slump, and he would become quiet and grouchy which was not like Mikey at all.

It was a day or two after two weeks since Raphael had left that Donatello emerged from his lab to hear cries and thumps coming from the dojo. He poked his head in to see who was in there. Instead of seeing Leo giving the punching bag a vigorous work he saw that it was Mikey. He raised an eyebrow ridge. That was unexpected.

"Mike?" He questioned, walking into the room. Mikey gave the bag one last high kick and fell back in a crouch, panting for breath and sweating from exertion. For a second his brother looked annoyed before he stood up again, an easy grin splitting across his face. "Oh hey Don." He said.

"You okay dude?" Don asked, approaching him cautiously.

Mikey attempted to keep the smile on his face but it faltered. "I…" He turned away suddenly. "This is my fault," He said suddenly, anger in his voice.

Don could see his hands were clenched into fists. "Mikey… no one's accusing you…"

"You don't have to!" Mike snapped turning back to him. "I know what I did okay?" With that he turned and ran out of the dojo. Don blinked in surprise, then followed him quickly. He saw Mikey make a beeline to where Leo stood by the door. "Leo… Leo!"

Leo looked up slowly. For a moment he looked a little lost before comprehension flooded his face. "What is it Mike?" He replied in a cool tone of voice.

Mikey tackled him before Leo could fend him off, clinging to his bigger brother. "I'm sorry alright!" He said tearfully. "I'm sorry Leo; I didn't mean to make a big deal out of it."

Leo, who had tensed the moment Mikey came flying at him, made a visible effort to relax and sighed. "It's okay Mikey," He said, patting him on the back of his shell behind his shoulders. "Don't worry about it." Donatello could see the flash of pain across his brother's face and the failing attempt at a smile to hide it.

"But Raph is gone because of me!" Mike continued unhappily.

"No Mikey," Leo replied quietly. "He's gone because of me, not you." He pushed Mike away gently and walked towards the tunnel that led to his room. As he went past Don reached out and touched his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"What Raph did wasn't your fault," He said. He felt it was necessary to say it. He didn't see his brother as blameless, but he certainly believed that Raph was more than a little responsible for what had happened between the two of them, and he didn't like the idea of Leo blaming himself for that.

Leo's eyes met his briefly before sliding away again. "It's not up for discussion Don," He said firmly, tugging his arm free.

-

That night at dinner Don waited patiently until after Master Splinter left for his own room with his tea in hand. Then he asked in a lowered voice why Leo didn't just go out and find Raphael like he usually did when Raph took off.

Leo glared at him. "And disobey Master Splinter's orders?" He snapped.

Both Don and Mike stared at him.

"He's part of the family!" Don managed to return after a moment. "Did Master Splinter say not to go after him?"

Leo snorted as he stood from the table. "May as well have," He muttered as he picked up his dishes and walked to the sink.

Don was beginning to see what Raph meant when he told him to tell Leo he was sorry he couldn't save him. Raph got to take off, Leo still had to stay and deal with everything. He got up from the table as well. He grabbed Leo's arm when his brother turned away from the sink. "Look, Leo," He began.

The attack took him by complete surprise. He knew Leo could move fast, he just forgot it from time to time when they weren't sparring and just interacting like normal 'people'. Either way, one second he had his hand on Leo's arm, the next he was flying OVER the kitchen table to crash shell first into the wall that led to the upstairs. He slid to the ground and sat there, stunned for a moment before looking up. "Leo!" He exclaimed as he stared at his brother.

Leo had that look on his face, the regretful one that he wore when he knew he had done something bad. "Don," He said, crossing the room quickly and kneeling beside him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to loose control like that. Are you okay?"

Don didn't even bother replying… he was fine, he hadn't hit the wall too hard. Instead he continued to stare up at Leo before shaking his head ever so slightly. "Geez Leo," He said, climbing to his feet. He reached out, taking his brother gently but firmly by both his shoulders. Leo didn't look too happy about being touched, but didn't push him away or attack him this time. Don shook him gently. "We're only worried about you bro. If Raph being gone is affecting you this much, then he needs to come home. I'm sure Sensei will understand."

Now Leo looked desperate for some reason and Don dropped his hands suddenly, a strange thought occurring to him. "Unless you don't want him to come home?" He asked, a bit puzzled. He still wasn't all that clear on how the relationship had occurred between Raph and Leo in the first place…

Leo shook his head. "I DO Don," He replied vehemently. He pressed a hand to his forehead and shut his eyes briefly before continuing. "But it's… complicated. This stuff…" He sighed. "It messes things up. We need to be able to function well together as a team, not…"

Donatello folded his arms across his chest and cut off what was more than likely going to be a long 'leader knows best' lecture. "You haven't exactly been all that functional these last two weeks Leo," He pointed out. He stepped towards his brother and held a hand out. "Leo listen to me. No matter how hard it is for me to even THINK about you and Raph together - "

" - you and me both! - " Mikey piped up from the kitchen.

Don shot a quick glance at Mike before continuing earnestly. "-You've been a completely different person these last two weeks." Leo opened his mouth to interrupt, but Don wouldn't let him speak. "I can't stand seeing you like this. You're not happy and you never smile…"

Leo managed a bit of an ironic smile just because.

"I think you'd be able to keep your relationship with Raph separate from your ability to be a good leader Leo. I don't even think that's an issue, is it?" Leo looked up at him again, confusion on his face, but Don didn't clarify, rather pressed on. "We're family too Leo," he said, meeting his gaze levelly. "There's four of us, and when one of us is missing all of us feel it, not just you. And I," He made a hand motion to himself. "Don't even CARE what you and Raph do to each other in the dojo or in your rooms or whatever..."

" - though a little warning would be nice! - " Mikey called out again.

"As long as he's here Leo, that's what's important," Don finished. "We need him back. Just like we needed you back a year ago."

Leo's eyes widened with understanding and Don heaved a mental sigh of relief at finally being able to get through to him.

"I'll go find him," Leo muttered, turning.

… And stopped cold. Master Splinter stood at the top of the stairs.

For a long moment Master and Student looked at each other. Donatello held his breath without realizing it. Finally Master Splinter inclined his head slightly in silent acceptance.

Leo nodded back and slipped out of the lair without a sound.

"Alright!" Mikey exclaimed, bouncing over from the kitchen. Don laughed and turned just in time to catch Mikey as he tackled him and gave him an overjoyed hug. For a moment that was fine, until Don's expression changed slightly and he tugged Mikey off of him. Mikey looked confused until he saw Don glance up at Master Splinter. He looked up at him as well. Their father merely gave them a cryptic look and turned away, returning to his room.

Don let out a tiny breath and glanced at Mikey nervously. Mikey returned the look. He was fairly sure they were both aware of how ... interesting... things were going to be when Raph returned...

-

This was his fault. Raph hadn't thought so, heck, Don and Mikey hadn't thought so either, but he knew it was.

He should have been in control. He should have put his foot down, insisted that Raphael find a more appropriate place… but he had a very bad moment of weakness.

He had gotten used to just shutting his brain down and for once not having to worry about anything. Raphael knew what he wanted, and what he wanted he took. He didn't bother asking for it. He didn't even give Leo much of a chance to protest... he took him in the sewers while on patrol, on a rooftop, in Leo's own room while he was supposed to be meditating... and Leo let him. Sure he'd offer up his half hearted protests... but Raph would smirk and ignore him. His body would betray him and he'd enjoy it... in fact he craved the warmth and closeness of another, however briefly. If Raph was inside of him he was also with him, holding him and not hating him for that short amount of time.

He should have stopped it when Raph began to get more brave. When he started to turn their sparring sessions into a game of keep away where he got to play if Leo lost. It was dangerous and stupid and he should have done something instead of caving so perfectly once he found himself up against the wall with Raph's knee between his legs and teeth on his throat. He must have said something then, something about it being wrong to do this here, that they should stop and that he was an idiot, but the word faded to soft pleading groans as a hand joined the knee.

It just felt good and Raph knew exactly what to do and where to touch him…

He shook his head. He knew it had to be stopped. The knowledge tore him up inside. He didn't want to stop, he wanted Raph to come home and for everything to be fine again. But they couldn't go back to just having sex behind closed doors... not now. Not while everyone knew.

He just... didn't know what to do. Find Raph and then what? Bring him home and then...? They couldn't continue... Master Splinter would never approve.

He sighed, long and heavy. It was a situation he wished desperately he wasn't faced with and he wished he didn't have to deal with. But deal with it he must. He shut his eyes and cleared his head, or tried to, before looking up again.

It was then that he saw him. Or at least someone who looked like they could be them. Leo quickly and silently jumped to the ground to follow.

-

It was chilly out, though Leo wasn't one to shiver. Instead he silently watched from his present perch as the figure he had been following for about 20 minutes stumbled a bit. The figure regained his footing and tossed the bottle in his hand away. It crashed against a tree trunk and shattered.

Great.

Leo frowned but continued to watch as Raph selected a tree that looked fairly secluded and sat at the base of it. He huddled deeper in his trench coat and tugged his hat further down his head. With his arms folded across his chest and head down Leo almost thought he had fallen asleep. He was about to step out of the trees when Raph moved suddenly. Leo watched as he reached down in a pocket of the trench coat and pulled a piece of paper free. He unfolded it and held it up to the meager light coming from the moon and the park's lamps filtering through the trees. Leo couldn't see it from the angle he was at, but what ever it was Raph only looked at it for a second or so before refolding it and stuffing it back in his pocket. Then he settled back in, hunkering down in his trench coat.

Leo waited a couple more minutes before he moved. He landed silently a few metres away. Raphael didn't even notice him approach, which was another argument against the alcohol. A somewhat quiet human with a gun could sneak up on his brother right now and then he wouldn't HAVE a brother any longer.

"You know I hate it when you drink," He said softly once he was standing above him.

A quiet snore was the only answer he got.

Leo sighed, a bit of a rueful smile arching across his face. He knelt down and peeked beneath the rim of Raphael's hat, confirming what he already knew… Raphael was fast asleep and reeked of alcohol. He wrinkled his beak slightly and reached out, using deft fingers to retrieve the paper from Raphael's pocket. He moved back a bit as he opened it and held it up so that he could see it. His jaw dropped when he saw what it was. It was a picture of him that April had drawn back when they had first met. It was too dark out to tell color of the headband, but he knew the picture was of himself.

An odd shock went through him and his eyes darted to Raphael's sleeping face. His brother really didn't expect to come home, did he? And the fact that he looked at the picture before falling asleep... Leo felt like he was in pain.

"Ah Raph," He muttered. He sat for a moment more before replacing the picture with one hand and reaching out with the other. He ran thick fingers over the side of Raph's face. His brother's skin was clammy and cool to the touch.

The touching woke him up. Raph's brow knit and he made a small snuffling sound. Leo jerked his hand away as Raph raised his head slightly. His eyes cracked open and focused on Leo blurrily. Leo contemplated vanishing but then a hand grasped his wrist before he could and Raphael smiled. "Heyyyy," He said, the word slurred.

"Hi," Leo returned in a low whisper, smiling despite the smell of alcohol on Raph's breath.

"Mmm…" Raphael leaned forwards and clumsily pressed his lips to his brothers, hand that wasn't holding his wrist coming up to cup the side of his face. Leo heart pounded in his chest Raph pulled away from the kiss. Raphael ran a trail of licks and gentle nips down the side of his face and to his neck, slobbering a little bit more than usual, and stopped to suck at a place where he knew Leo was especially sensitive. Leo moaned, his eyes falling shut. At the same time his thoughts were in turmoil. He knew he had to stop Raphael before it was too late... but... it had been two weeks. And this... this just felt so good...

'Just tonight,' He rationalized quickly, feeling horribly guilty. 'Just tonight... he's drunk... he won't remember. Tomorrow you can tell him to stop.'

He shut his eyes and tried to push away the feeling of wrongness as he let his brother do whatever he wanted. When Raphael let go of his wrist to run his hands down his sides and pull him closer, he let him. When he turned them both suddenly, to press them both into the grass at the base of the tree, he let him do that too. He was rewarded with a bold hand moving down to settle between his legs…

Leo gasped despite himself, arching against that hand and suddenly Raphael stopped moving. He raised his head and stared down at his brother. He blinked a couple of times and finally his eyes cleared enough to focus. "LEO?" He exclaimed.

"Hi," Leo repeated a bit sheepishly. He felt like he had been caught red handed with his hand in the cookie jar so to speak. Even though it was Raph's hand that was currently curled around... he flushed and pushed the hand away, tucking things back in quickly.

Raph didn't seem to notice as he stared, rocking back on his heels. His face changed from incredulous disbelief to joy to confusion to disbelief again. It seemed to take a while since he was inebriated. "What'er you doing 'ere?" He finally asked.

Leo got up and sat beside him. "I came to find you." He said simply. He looked his brother up and down, allowing disapproval to show on his face as he switched into 'big brother' mode. "You've been drinking and hanging out in Central Park the last two weeks?" He asked.

"Naw," Raph replied with a bit of a goofy grin. "I did the vigilante thing last week. This week I decided to be a homeless bum. 'Cause I am." At that he pulled a small bottle of whiskey from his other trench coat pocket. "Cheers!" He said, holding it up.

Leo rolled his eyes and reached out, grabbing the bottle before Raph could drink from it.

"AW!" Raph protested loudly, reaching for it and not doing so well thanks to being severely intoxicated.  
Leo made a face and tried to push him off of himself while still keeping the bottle away from his brother. "No Raphael," He said, finally throwing the bottle into the trees. "No more drinking."

Raphael's stretching for the bottle had caused him to land on top of Leo again. He blinked then grinned. "Heeyyy…" he slurred again.

Leo let out an exasperated sigh. "Raph come on," He said, pushing up against him. When Raphael kept going he shoved as hard as he could, which caused Raph to fall backwards onto his ass. "STOP IT." Leo commanded.

Raph's eyebrow ridges flew together. He looked hurt. "I said I wouldn't hurtcha Leo," He said, his voice soft and sincere despite the fact that his words slurred slightly.

"It's not that," Leo huffed, sitting up. Raph continued to stare at him, his eyes wide and still hurt.

"Then whats it Leo?" He reached out to touch his face then drew his hand away again, flinging it behind himself. "I got it," He said, nodding. "You don't wan me. FINE." He got to his feet, which was no small feat. He almost fell over again before he turned and started stumbling away.

Leo's jaw had dropped at Raph's words, before he watched Raph get up and was reminded that his brother was intoxicated. He sighed and pressed fingers to his forehead a moment before looking up again. Raph had only made it about 20 feet or so, and was trekking along with absolutely no regard for any nature he might trample along the way. Leo rolled his eyes heavenward and got to his feet as well. "Raph, wait!" He called out.

Raph didn't turn. He was still going when Leo caught up to him and grabbed his arm, trying to spin him around. Raph went down instead of turning, curling into a ball on the leaf-covered ground. He didn't move.

Leo was concerned. "Raph come on," He said, falling to his knees as well. "Are you okay?" He asked, placing a hand on his shell.

"Go AWAY," Was Raphael's belligerent and muffled reply. He tried to jerk away but ended up just rocking in a different direction and coming right back.

Leo hated dealing with Raph when he was drunk. He really really did. He breathed deeply a couple times to calm himself before continuing. "Raph... please..." He sighed and grabbed Raph by the shoulders and started to try to get him to sit right side up, but Raph would have none of it, fighting against him.

"Fucking leave me alone LEO!" Raph shouted as he struggled. Leo didn't pay any attention, fighting just as hard. Raphael had an extreme lack of motor skills when he was drunk and he knew it too. It made it very easy to overpower him. Sure enough, he stopped fighting Leo as much and merely panted, his eyes screwed tightly shut. He turned his head away and let out a choked sound.

Leonardo wound an arm around his back and held his head to his chest. He cradled him and tried to soothe him as he continued to make those painful sounding noises against him, hands clenching and unclenching against his plastron.

The hands relaxed by degrees, and soon the wracking sobs that shook Raphael's entire body ground to a halt. Leo waited. After a minute or so Raph began to snore. Loudly.

Leonardo shut his eyes briefly before climbing to his feet, bringing the dead weight of his brother with him. Raphael made some noises and stopped snoring, though he didn't wake up completely. Leo stopped momentarily to retrieve Raph's hat, then looked around, trying to figure out where to take them. He spotted a place... an obscured tree and set Raphael down at the base of it. He meticulously moved his trench coat about as well as his hat so that he was as covered as possible. When he stepped back again he admired his handiwork... with his face obscured by his hat, Raphael really did look like a drunk bum sleeping it off in the park. He sighed again, and, with another small smile moved off to find a place where he could keep a look out and watch over his brother while he slept.

-


	2. Chapter 2

-

Raphael woke up with the fading remnants of a headache and feeling like his eyes were pasted shut. Those were about the only indications he ever got that he had been drinking. He groaned softly and rolled back on his shell, forcing his eyes open as he did so.

He froze. He could see bright blue sky filtered down from between leaves of branches and trees. Just by looking, he could tell it had to be close to midday.

Which was not good at all. He swore and scrambled to his feet. It was a wonder no human had spotted him yet.

To make matters worse, as he stood there in broad daylight he also remembered in a rush what had happened the night before. He groaned again. His memories were embarrassing... if it wasn't bad enough that Leo rejected him he also had to go and have a break down in front of him. Fucking great. Coupled with the fact that he had been too wasted to get to cover before passing out for the night, leaving him completely vulnerable to discovery. Smart Raph, real smart. "I'm never drinking again," He muttered to himself.

He knew that was a lie.

A group of humans laughing and talking a little too close for comfort brought him back out of his thoughts. He tensed, hunching down in his trench coat and pulling down his hat. He saw the flashes of color from their clothing through the trees. They hadn't seen him... yet.

He had to get out of the park.  
He gave the trees around him one last glance before he went, wondering if he would spot his brother in them. He didn't see him either.

"Of course he isn't here," He muttered as he walked away from where the people where. Leo had never been comfortable on the surface, especially during daylight. Not enough shadows for him to hide in.

The sewer entrance was in a pond, for which he was grateful. He bunched up his trench coat and waded in, making for the cleverly hidden drainage entrance. He reached it and yanked the rusted grating up, then slipped underneath it. Once in the comfortable security of the pipe he stopped for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the lack of light. It didn't take long. Genetic mutation and years of training had made them all able to see in the near dark.

Once he could see somewhat, he sighed heavily and started walking.

After about 20 minutes of walking he stopped where the sewer tunnels branched off into two different directions. He considered for a moment then turned deliberately away from the direction that would eventually lead to the lair. He couldn't go home. He also couldn't face Leo either, he realized, wincing. Not after that lovely display in the park the day before. He made a face.

He only made it a few steps when a voice startled him. "Where are you going?" It asked.

"SHIT!" Raphael turned quickly, instantly dropping into a defensive posture, his hands on his sais.

Leo stepped out of the shadows, paused, then began to walk towards him.

Raphael glared at him. "How long have you been following me?" He snapped.

Leo raised an eyebrow. "Since the park," He replied.

Raph glared. He could hear the disapproval in Leo's voice. He should have been on alert... known Leo was there. He hated that, the smug air of superiority that Leo gave off. Always had... knew Leo thought he was better than him. It wasn't until Leo came home a month and a half ago that he actually said it aloud. Which fuckin' HURT...

It sucked even more because of his stupid crush. It made him feel better to be able to have sex with him. Leo wasn't smug in bed, he didn't give him a chance to be. It was nice to see his brother vulnerable... when he was moaning and groaning beneath him it was really hard for him to pull off smug arrogant bastard.

Not for lack of trying...

Raphael turned away instead, irritated and annoyed and showing it. "Well you can stop following me now," He snarled, making for where he was planning on heading in the first place. "'Cause I ain't going to go home."

Leo heaved a sigh and followed him, which just ended up irritating Raph more. "Then what are you going to do Raph? Drink and sleep in the park? You know how dangerous that is."

See? That was exactly what he was talking about. He knew it was dangerous, he didn't need Leo to tell him it was.

Raphael let loose a low warning growl and kept on walking.

"Your home is with us," Leo said.

"Not any more it ain't," Raph shot back at him as he kept going. "I got kicked out, 'rember?"  
"Master Splinter didn't say permanently!" Leonardo protested. "Raphael, you're FAMILY."

Now Leo was starting to sound a bit desperate. Which was interesting, but still not enough to make Raph turn around. If he begged maybe...

"Raph, please," he said, and Raph paused and raised an eyebrow. Son of a bitch...

"Mikey and Don..." Leo continued.

No. He SO wasn't going to use his brothers against him. Raphael turned suddenly, stopping Leo in his tracks. "Think I'm some sort of freak who fucks their bro. Masta Splinter knows it too. Tell me Leo," He pointed at his chest and stalked towards him, which actually made fearless Leonardo fall back a step. "Why should I go back there again?"

He caught it then. Something he hadn't really seen before on Leo's face. Desperation coupled with something he couldn't quite place... but whatever it was it made his heart pound. "Well Leo?" He pushed.

"You have to come back, Raph, because I can't...!" Leo cut himself off, his face loosing that look of desperation and closing off again. He turned his head away, glaring angrily down the pipe.

Huh. Fine then. Two could play at this game. He'd make Leo talk eventually, he was very good at making him react.

Raphael smirked, his eyes darkening. "Oh I get it..." He said, stepping closer to Leo, so close they were mere inches apart. "Big brother needs a little bit of help gettin' off is that it?" His smirk widened into an all out grin as he reached out, touching the top of Leo's thigh and tracing up to his crotch with a finger.

Leo jerked his head back and stared at him incredulously. Raphael leaned in closer. "Don't worry Leo." He said in a cruel coaxing voice. "You can always find me in the park..."

He saw the flash of hurt across his face the second before the blow caught him across the jaw. Leo moved fast. Next thing Raph knew he was sitting on his ass in sewer water several feet away. Leo was standing where he had been before, trembling minutely with rage, his hands clenched in fists.

Raphael watched and waited.

"Just. Come. Home," Leo spoke softly, but it by no means covered the emotion in his voice.

Not the answer he wanted. Raphael glared as he got up again. "No," He snapped. He grabbed Leo by the arms and threw him up against the side of the sewer pipe. "Give me one good reason to Leo." He got right in his face. "Because I'm thinkin' dealing with everything there really isn't worth the trouble!"

For a half a second Raphael thought that Leo was going to attack him back. Then there was that look again... tired and desperate-ish. Whatever was bothering Leo was also stopping him from fighting back.

"Raph," Leo began, then blinked. His eyes slid away again. "I can't do this," He said finally, relaxing, his shoulders slumping forwards in defeat.

Raphael let him go and took a step back. He studied his brother for a moment or so, considering him. He looked defeated. It made him uncomfortable, he was surprised to realize, to see Leo like that. He shook his head slightly, clearing it. Point was to get Leo talking and that was exactly what he got. He had to keep on going. "What can't you do Leo?" He asked.

Leo shook his head slowly and leaned back against the sewer pipe before he rolled his head back to look at Raph again. "Deal with you being gone," He said quietly. The desperate look was gone. Now he just looked sad. And really really exhausted. Even when fighting the foot Leo hadn't looked this drained.

Raphael didn't move as he considered that. "I dealt with you being gone for nearly two years," He pointed out. Strangely he didn't feel the same anger he used to feel when he thought about Leo abandoning them for that time. Maybe because this time he knew Leo wasn't going to leave them - HIM - again any time soon.

Leo looked down. "I know," He said quietly. "I failed you Raph. I failed everyone..."

Okay, that pissed him off. Raph strode forwards and grabbed him by the jaw, forcing his head back up. "Stop that," He snapped. "It's fucking annoying. You're supposed to be our leader remember?" He continued. The look on Leo's face now was vulnerable and open... much like it was when they were together. It made him not want to yell any more, and his voice gentled almost despite himself. "Leaders don't doubt themselves. They're strong. Tough." He punched Leo in the arm at 'tough', and Leo winced slightly. Raphael sighed and ran his hand along the arm to sooth it, then pushed away, taking a step back. "Else I will have to fight you for leadership." He smirked, the teasing glint in his eye telling Leo he was only half joking.

Leo managed a bit of a smile back before the smile faded back into seriousness. "In some ways you'd make a very good leader," He said honestly.

Raphael raised an eyebrow. Praise was a rare thing for Leo. "You wouldn'ta said that before two weeks ago," He said. He pressed a hand to Leo's forehead suddenly. "Where's Leo?" He demanded to know.

Leo managed a small chuckle and batted his hand away. He then sighed and rested his head on Raphael's shoulder as the stockier turtle drew him close. He closed his eyes. This was the first time outside of sex that Raphael had hugged him in a very long time. He missed it.

"What happens now Leo?" Raphael mumbled against the top of his head. "'Cause I'm not going back if I can't have you anymore."

Leo stiffened despite himself, then pulled back, his eyes wide as he stared at Raph. Raph gave him a bit of a curious look, inspecting his face for his reactions.

"You mean that," Leo breathed.

Raphael wondered at that. Of course he wanted Leo, he wouldn't have made him have sex with him nearly every day for two weeks if he didn't. "Hell yeah I mean that Leo," He leaned forwards and nudged his cheek with his beak.

Leo's eyes fluttered closed. "Why?" He managed to get out.

Raphael couldn't help it. "'Cause yer hot?" He replied with a small smirk.

Leo's eyes opened again. "Raph!" He snapped.

Raphael pulled away a bit with a laugh. "You are," He went in again, this time going for his neck. "Especially when you make those little whimperin' sounds at the back of your throat..." He nipped at the skin there and got exactly what he wanted, a little whimpering sound from Leo.

Leo started to struggle against the grip he had on his arms. "Raph stop it," He ordered.

"Why?" Raph mumbled, running a hand along the bottom of Leo's shell. He had lost all pretense of trying to talk to Leo. He wanted him, and now seemed like a good a time as any. "It feels good doesn't it?"

"Yes... but no! Raph stop it," Leo ordered again, this time shoving him, hard enough that Raph stumbled.

Raphael frowned as he regained his footing. He looked Leo up and down. The other turtle was in a bit of a defensive crouch, his eyes guarded. Which meant he had done something wrong. He thought he had given Leo what he needed by telling him he'd go home if he could continue to have sex with him, but apparently that wasn't what Leo had needed. "What did I do this time?" He asked finally with a sigh.

Leo made a face and straightened. "Nothing Raph," He said quickly. "It's not that... it just... we can't continue to just have sex like this." He finished in a rush, a bit flustered.

Raphael's eyes narrowed. "You could before." He pointed out.

Leo shut his eyes. "That was different," He said finally. He drew his hands out. "I should have stopped it Raph."

Raphael glared. He felt his stomach tie in knots at Leo's words. If Leo felt that he should have stopped him than that meant... he began to hyperventilate, his breath quickening. If Leo was smart he'd know not to continue...

Leo wasn't smart. He shook his head slowly. "It's wrong and I was weak..."

Letting out an enraged snarl Raphael attacked him suddenly, his eyes blazing as he barreled into Leos's chest and knocked him off of his feet. They went down, struggling against each other. Raph managed to get a leg up and pinned Leo back on his shell. "How?" He demanded to know, right in Leo's very surprised face. "How is this wrong?"

"It's a liability Raph! It messes everything up!" Leo snapped back, straining to sit up.

At least he didn't say it was wrong because Raph didn't stop when he asked him too, Raphael wasn't sure if he would have been able to handle that. But Leo's reasons were just as vague and stupid as they filtered through his rage clouded mind. "How can things possibly be any more messed up than they already ARE?" He roared back at him. "I can't GO HOME." He dropped Leo suddenly and scrambled to his feet, gasping for breath. 'Calm down,' he ordered himself mentally. 'Calm down before you do something stupid...'

When he managed to clear his head enough he looked back up. Leo hadn't moved much. Now he sat in inch deep water, giving Raph the same desperate-ish look as he was before. Which reminded him of how he was questioning him in the first place. "Why'd you come find me?" He asked quietly after he trusted himself to speak again.

Leo frowned. "I told you already," He said, glaring.

He wasn't getting out of it that easily. "Tell me again," Raph replied, deadly serious.

"I can't..." Leo sighed, frowned briefly, and tried to continue. "... I need you at home."

"Why?" Raphael snapped.

Leo made the 'Raph you're being impossible' face. "Because I do, alright?"

"Not good enough," Raphael returned. It wasn't. Leo was going to have to work harder than that if he really wanted him to go home. He turned away.

Leo sat up and watched him go. "Raph please," He said.

"Nuh huh Leo," Raph returned over his shoulder.

"Raph!" Raphael kept going. He was going to fade into the shadows any moment now. "RAPH!" Leo cursed under his breath when Raphael didn't stop and slumped forwards, fists falling into the dirty puddled rain water. "I need you." He muttered.

He didn't think Raph had heard. Then the other turtle paused. He slowly turned back and made his way back to where Leo was on his hands and knees. "What did you say?" He said quietly.

Leo looked up at him. "I need you," He repeated softly.

Raphael crouched down so that they were closer to eye level. He reached out, pressing a hand to the side of his face. Amazingly Leo leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed briefly.

That pained him. Especially since a month ago Leo didn't like being touched at all. In fact the thought that Leo liked being touched now made him feel a bit bad about leaving him for two weeks... he had often considered whether he should go back and try to get Leo to come with him despite Master Splinter.

Leo was probably just as lonely as he was.

"In what way?" He asked as gently as he could. It still came out a bit gruff.

Leo shook his head slowly. He couldn't say it. His eyes begged Raph not to make him.

Raph narrowed his eyes. Fine. He'd continue, but he didn't have to like it. "As a brother? As yer muscle on this team?" He watched Leo's face. Neither of those answers were correct. "... As a boyfriend?" He winced mentally. That one hurt to say. Especially since it was LEO, who judged him when he said retarded things...

Leo's eyes flickered open again. "All the above?" He said softly, a faint hope in his voice.

Words couldn't describe the relief Raph felt. He still had to push it though, couldn't let it be. "Doesn't that 'mess things up'?" He asked, an eyebrow ridge raising. "What will Masta Splinter say?"

Leo faltered. He breathed in deeply, an expression of absolute anguish crossing his face as he lowered his head.

Raphael didn't say anything. He merely reached out, gripped Leo's shoulders and let him think.

Leo looked up again. For a split second Raphael could see the deep horrible hurt in Leo's eyes. But then it disappeared, Leo's expression growing hard, resolute. He shook his head quickly. "I don't care!" He declared vehemently. He scrambled to his feet and, surprised, Raph stood as well. "I'm not loosing you Raphael," He said firmly. "We'll make it work."

Raphael opened his mouth to protest more but Leo cut him off. "No Raphael," He shook his head again and gently pushed Raphael back, until they hit a wall. "We'll make it work." He repeated with absolute conviction, kissing him on the beak and pressing up against him forcefully.

When he pulled away, he saw that Raphael was giving him a surprised look. "Whoa Leo," He said softly. He reached out and grasped Leo by where his hips would be if he were human. He turned them around, so that it was Leo up against the side of the pipe and not him. "You sure?" he asked after a moment, dark eyes searching Leo's.

Leo beamed at him. "That's the first time you've ever asked," He replied, sounding like he was incredibly proud of him. "And yes."

Raphael rolled his eyes. When he looked back again he was silent for a beat... and then another. Finally he leaned forwards, pressing the side of his beak to Leo's. He could feel Leo's breath quicken. He expected... the corner of Raph's mouth twitched up into a familiar smirk. He pulled away and stepped back. "Come on then," He said, his eyes gleaming. "I have a place we can go."

Leo blinked at him. "Where?" he asked.

Raphael merely shook his head. "Not here," He replied, wrinkling his beak a bit. "Let's go."

-

Amazingly enough Leo let him lead him through the sewers for almost a half hour without much protest, besides a couple comments that they should really be getting back in case something had happened to the rest of the family. Raph told him that they could live without his worrying ass for a couple more hours, they had for 2 years after all. Leo shut up after that, though he did sulk a bit.

Finally he found it, the passageway that led in a decidedly upwards direction and ended with a heavily shadowed steel door covered in chains. It looked completely impenetrable except Raph knew those chains were his own and he had a key hidden behind a brick. He removed the brick, got the key, unlocked the chains and pushed the door open.

They couldn't see at all for a few steps and Raph could hear Leo make a small noise of protest. He reached back and grabbed his arm, bringing his brother with him as they rounded a sharp corner.

And stepped into a spacious room.

Now they could both see. He heard Leo's quick intake of breath of surprise and knew he was looking the room over. He hooked his thumbs into his belt and admired it as well... it was one of his nicer finds. Light filtered in from high up heavily barred tiny rectangular windows along the far wall of the room. He knew from investigating that those tiny windows were at the bottom of deep wells along one of the many office buildings in Manhattan. The room it's self was spacious... huge... and sectioned off into little open offices, which were either completely empty or full of crap. In the dead center of the room sat a fountain... like you saw in tv shows of malls and shit like that, and beside that was a desk. The desk was gigantic and metal and looked like it you couldn't move it even with the help of a semi truck.

The entire area hadn't been touched in years, he knew that for a fact. If the foot thick layer of dust on everything didn't give it away, the fact that a pile of papers in one of the alcoves dated back to 1953 sure did. In the main area off to the side of the fountain there was one large set of stairs leading down into the room... the ceiling had given way at one point, leaving it half buried along the side. The double doors he knew were bolted off from the other side so no investigating employees could come down. He had broken in anyway, just to make sure he was safe, and found that his little haven led to the worlds' largest forgotten storage room. Literally boxes covered every square inch of the room beyond this one, most of them piled way higher than his head and older than him by about 20 years. He had retreated back into the room and sealed off this room from his side as well. The amount of racket any human would make trying to get back into the room they were in would give them more than enough time to retreat back into the sewers if they had to.

In the mean time he had taken over, using the tiny, and crumbling, employee washroom that had definitely seen better days as an impromptu first aid room when he got hurt enough to need it but not hurt enough to go suffer through a lecture from Don.

"Is it secure?" Leo asked as he stepped further into the room, his voice echoing slightly off of the high ceiling.

"No Leo," Raph returned sarcastically as he went into the door less washroom and set about doing his business. A quick look out of the corner of his eye told him Leo had disappeared further into the room to investigate.

He came back, as silent as ever, as Raph washed his hands. When he glanced up he saw that Leo's eyebrow ridges were raised in surprise. Raphael knew what he was thinking. Running water.

Raphael smirked as he reemerged from the room. "Be my guest," He said a bit sarcastically, gesturing with a slight bow.

Leo nodded and went into the washroom while Raph went through the main area, making sure none of the little traps he had set to let him know if humans had come in had been disturbed. Sure enough they were all in place like they had been before. Leo hadn't managed to trip them, though that wasn't really surprising. Big brother was the perfect ninja after all.

Once he was sure they really were secure, he smirked to himself and went over to the fountain. That was his favorite thing about this find. It must have made employees and visitors feel nice or something like that at one point, before this place got abandoned. Too bad for them, now it was all his.

He grinned to himself as he pulled away a heavy metal plate from the bottom of one of the sides, revealing a musty interior covered in spider webs and sporting two facets. He cranked one a small bit and the other one a lot. It took a few moments but finally with a rumble two holes along the inside of the fountain began to spout water. A couple seconds after that water began to cascade down the center bit of the fountain.

Good. Raphael stepped back to admire his handiwork before replacing the metal plate. Then he hoisted himself up on the side of the pool, reaching down and sticking his hand in the water. Lukewarm. Awesome.

Leo came out of the washroom. If Raphael thought he looked surprised over the running water in the sink, he looked absolutely awestruck at the fact that the fountain was working. He came over and leaned over the side, looking down at the slowly filling pool. He then looked up and offered Raph one of his rare full smiles. "Wow Raph," he complimented.

Raphael grinned and offered a half shrug. "Get in," He said, making a careless gesture to the water. Leo was still for a moment, then smiled slightly, reaching back and taking off his swords, followed by the rest of his gear. He placed it all down on the massive desk and stepped over the side, sliding into the water. Raphael watched as he let himself sink into the rising water, and leaned his head against the rim, eyes closing. He still looked tired. And a bit tense, though he had a feeling it was hard to get Leo to completely relax in a new environment. He'd get used to it, Raphael knew it was safe here. He had to give up one of his favorite 'alone' places, but hey. It was worth it just to see the smile on Leo's face...

He shook his head ruefully at how sappy he had gotten, then got down from the side of the fountain with a little jump. He went over to the desk. Leo watched him from the fountain as he cracked open one of the large drawers... and shut it again with a frown. He opened another one and let out a little "ah hah!"

Leo raised an eyebrow ridge. He didn't have to wait long... Raph stood up again and Leo saw that he had bags of something in his hands. Raphael smirked and tossed one of them at Leo.

Leo caught it out of reflex. It was a bag of pretzels... they looked like they were from the stadium. Splinter used to scavenge those for them all the time when they were younger and collecting money from the openings under walkways didn't give them enough to get by.

Leo smiled slightly, looking up at his brother as Raphael leapfrogged over the desk and casually settled on the edge facing the pool as he munched away. "Hungry?"

Leo grinned as he ripped open the package and took one out. "You woo women like this all the time Raph?" He teased. "Nice place and some dinner?"

Raphael snorted. "Yeah 'cause every woman in New York wants a mutant turtle who lives in the sew'ar," He said, rolling his eyes.

Leonardo merely shrugged, absently chewing on another pretzel. "Never know..." He said, still half smiling. "Could be possible."

Raphael got down from the desk and trekked over. He wasn't sure if he liked the whimsical sound to Leo's voice. "You crushin' on human women, Leo?" He questioned, swinging over the side and sitting on the rim of the fountain above where Leo sat in the water.

Leo looked startled for a second as he looked up at Raph. He looked away again just as quickly, but Raph noticed that the smile was now completely gone, replaced with a solemn serious expression. "Naw," He said quietly. "It's impossible Raph. We are what we are. Nothing's going to change that."

His words sounded so weighted and final. Not to mention the fact that he had practically confirmed Raph's question... by omission. Leo liked human women. Or had at one point. The thought bothered him... until he remembered who Leo might like. She was female, ninja, and carried a sword. There wasn't much not to like... besides a single minded determination to kill them all.

"Ain't never gonna happen bro," He offered as gently as he could.

Leo looked up at him, surprised, before his expression clouded. "I know that," He said, a bit sharply. "I just..." He let out a little sigh, tilting his head back, his brow knitted.

'Well at least he's bothered by it too,' Raphael thought to himself. He had often wondered about that. Mikey got crushes on human women often enough, and he knew Don had crushed after April for far longer than was probably healthy. He didn't particularly care either way, sex was sex, but Leo never let on about any of this. It almost made him seem a little bit more approachable... a little bit more like them. He reached out and clamped a hand on Leo's shoulder.

Leo gave another small smile and brought his hand up to grip it in his own. "I missed you," He said, changing the subject.

Raphael chuckled darkly at that. He let go to take off his own gear, tossing it carelessly to the ground, then slid into the water next to Leo. "Sure ya did," He said. Leo's eyes flew up to meet his briefly before Raphael leaned down to nip at his neck. He was going to rise to the challenge... MAKE Leo forget all about human women or humans in general for that matter... and that fucking him was a much more interesting idea.

-


End file.
